He Will Enable

Being a mom is hard.

Being a homeschooling mom is really hard.

Being a homeschooling mom with chronic health issues is extremely hard.

When my health is not so great, when I get discouraged with the ups and downs, I often wonder how in the world my kids ever learn anything!  But somehow, they do! I'm thankful that my older two work independently in most subjects now. But still, some things are skipped more often then I'd like. Sometimes it ends up taking two years to get through one year of history. But they are learning. And more importantly, they are gaining godly fruit and character, despite my limitations!

When my health is inconsistent, I also miss out on other activities and things I'd like to do. It's easy to start feeling sorry for myself when I can't do as much as "normal" people do in a day; or I can't commit to something as simple as a weekly Bible study. I don't make as many plans as I used to, because I never know if I'll be able to follow through.

But one thing God has shown me in more than one way the past couple months is this:

He enables me to do what He calls me to do.

What has God called me to do right now, at this point in my life? Be a wife, a mom, and homeschool my boys. That's all!  Those are my God-given priorities. That's where I need to pour my energy, little as it may be on some days.

All those other things don't matter. I can't be frustrated with God when He doesn't supply energy for all the activities I "wish" I could do. That's not what He has promised.

When I feel as though I'm failing at those three roles, if I stand back and re-focus my perspective, I realize that God really IS enabling me to do those things which He has called me to do.  Maybe not in my ideal way, but it's enough! I just need to keep my focus on Him and His promises, not on me and my limitations.

The Snow is Always Smoother . . .

 * This is a re-post from January 2009. I liked it then and it's still true now, so I thought I'd share it again! *

You know what they say -

"The snow is always smoother on the other side of the fence". (Don't they?)

Here's a picture I took today over the fence, of our next door neighbor's back yard:



And here's a picture of our backyard:



Our neighbors are in their early 60's and their children are grown and out of the house. Their backyard looks peaceful and serene. Our yard doesn't. Our yard has obviously seen lots of activity - trampled on over and over again by 3 boys and a dog. Some days I look over the fence and envy the calm.

I know, I know; some day our yard will look like our neighbor's, and I'll eventually find myself missing those footprints all over the back yard . . .

But still, for now, can't I sneak over the fence and live over there every once in a while?

It's a New Day!

Okay, I think I'm over my New Year's Bloggy Identity Crisis!

I have a problem where my mind is frequently over-active and dreams up way more ideas than I could ever follow through on. I have to be careful not to feel like I'm failing when I can't keep up with my ever-running, unrealistic idealism. Especially so when my health dictates my activity level.

I'm inspired by many blogs I read regularly. Some showcase amazing photos. Some share delicious recipes. Some are homeschoolers who have good ideas and seem to be way more accomplished than we are. Some are great writers. Some are incredibly creative and crafty. Some decorate their home just like I would if I had the money or the 2-story farmhouse I dream about. I'm encouraged and inspired by them in so many ways. However, enjoying them can easily lead to comparing or wishing that I could blog like "that". I have to reign myself in and remind myself that my blog is just that - MY blog. It should portray who I am and what I do and nothing else. No worried about what it isn't.

I really do enjoy blogging.  It's a good outlet for my wandering thoughts, a place to post photos, a way to connect with others, and a way to reach out of the somewhat small boundaries of this mom who is home a lot with her kids. I've met some kindred spirits in blog-land. Those are the reasons I began blogging, and the reasons I will continue. I guess I just needed to re-focus.

I also remembered this week something that my favorite Bible study author and teacher, Beth Moore, once said. She said that God wants us to turn our miseries into ministries.  That is one way He redeems our trials. With that in mind, I'd like to blog about my trials and what I've learned from them as I feel inspired, hopefully in a way that is encouraging to others and also honoring to God.

So here's to a new year of blogging and living and learning.  Thanks for coming along with me on my journey!

What To Do

Sorry it's been a little quiet around here ...

First there was a bad cold the week before Christmas that put me down for several days.

Next was a flurry of activity in preparation for a family Christmas in Tennessee.

And then it was five fun-filled days enjoying Christmas in TN.

After that (and actually, by the last two days of our vacation), my cold relapsed.

And then the New Year came, with me still blowing me nose and feeling sick.

Finally, I went to the doctor and got antibiotics for a sinus infection (no wonder I still wasn't feeling well!)

So now it's January 12th. My sinus infection and cold have finally cleared up. I had a couple good days, but now again, I'm still not feeling 100%, probably because illness can set off my chronic health symptoms.

When I don't write on my blog for a while, it calls to me, "Chris! You've been ignoring me!"  And I feel disappointed with myself because I'm "supposed" to be posting but I just don't feel like it or have the mind to.

Which has led to several days of thinking and praying about my blog.  Should I continue? Should I give it up, so I don't feel like I'm failing when I don't post very often? Should I just blog whenever I can, and not worry about it when I don't?

And also, what is my purpose in blogging?  I'd been a reader of blogs long before I started my own. Which is why I started mine, because I like how the blog-world connects people of like minds. I thought it would be fun to share some of my self and my world. However, I enjoy blogs have a more specific focus than "here's what happened this week"; so I'd like mine to go beyond that also.

I've tried not to focus too much on my health issues, because I didn't want to come across as complaining, or woe-is-me. I haven't posted much about homeschooling either because I don't feel like we do anything spectacular or out of the ordinary that would be of great interest or help to other homeschoolers.

Yet, homeschooling and my health are a huge part of my life; they are my life. Again, that leaves me wondering about my purpose in blogging. What might God desire of my blogging? If I post more about my health struggles and somehow managing to homeschool in spite of them, can I do it in a way that God could use to be encouraging to other moms in a similar boat?

Parenting and being a mom was also a big struggle for me for the first several years. Should I go back and sift through the lessons I learned along the way, and share those? Perhaps that could be helpful to younger moms? But then I doubt myself, that I don't really have anything "worthy" enough to say that hasn't already been heard. And there are much better writers out there anyway.

Any thoughts? Or feedback?  I guess I'm in limbo here, and need to continue seeking what God thinks about my blog. Because that's the real purpose.

So Thankful

It seems that God has constantly been reminding me lately how much I have to be thankful for.

When I complained about how tight it is in our garage after we put both vehicles in for the winter, I stopped short and reminded myself, "you have two working vehicles and an attached garage; you are wealthier than much of the world!"  How many people would like to have my "problem"?

I got frustrated trying to figure out our new printer/scanner/copier. Poor me, another luxury to complain about?

After blood tests confirmed I am border-line hypothyroid, my chiropractor/nutritionist started me on some new supplements to support my thyroid, which are not cheap.  On the way home, I starting feeling sorry for myself about how much money we spend trying to keep me healthy. I began to pray that God would provide the money needed. Again, God quickly reminded me, "I do provide for you!" I should be thanking Him, not asking again! Although it means we have to sacrifice in other areas, like vacations, or replacing old windows in our house, we are able to pay for my health costs.

I'm still fighting a cold that's had me home and doing pretty much nothing for 4 days now. Besides feeling crummy, we're also due to travel for the holidays on Thursday and I'm quite behind in Christmas preparations. But I've had all the comforts of home in the meantime, for which I am thankful. And I am also grateful I'm sick now and not over the Christmas weekend.

Anyone who reads this post has electricity, a computer, internet connection, and knows how to read. We are so blessed!

We have trials, but they are temporary, and we are not alone.

I wish you and your families a very Merry Christmas as we celebrate the birth of the Savior of the world, born in a common stable - accommodations for which I doubt Mary grumbled and complained!

Sometimes I Envy My Dog

Dog's sure have it good!
They never have to clean or cook or do laundry or play endless games of "Sorry".
They are served food regularly.
They get to sleep whenever they want.
They are petted and told "you're so cute!" just by wagging their tail or sitting near you and looking up at you with their big eyes.
They get giddy just hearing the words "outside", "walk", or "eat".

But what I envy most is how they bounce awake every morning ...
Happy and energetic to face a new day.
Wiggling and wagging when they first see you.
Dashing joyfully outside as if it's the first time they've ever seen the back yard.
Running around the yard with abandon, sniffing intently for any new or interesting sights or smells.

Full of contentment and joy, without worrying if their nose is too short, or too long; or if they're having a bad hair day; or if they've gained a few pounds; or how much they have to do that day.

I'm glad that I don't have to eat the same dry "food" every day that's been sitting in a bag for months, or have to sit on command. But I could use a few lessons from them on contentment and joy!

God Delights In Us

Have you ever watched a child, completely engrossed and involved in some activity or thing that they love?  Perhaps they're marvelling over an interesting bug, or jumping for joy on a trampoline, or dancing, or getting caught up in a good book.  They're so focused, intent, and just plain enjoying themselves.  Without any guilt or feeling self-conscious about it.

It doesn't matter if the activity or object of their attention is of great importance to the rest of the world.  It doesn't matter if anything is being "accomplished".  What's important in that moment is that they're simply Being and Doing - just being themselves.  It makes me smile, and gives me joy to watch that.

Don't you think that God feels the same way about all of us?  Don't you think that God enjoys watching us, His children, just be ourselves?  It's easy to feel, as an adult, that our day is supposed to be filled with the tasks that we need to do, responsibilities we have, things that just have to get done.  And practically, there is much that we need to do each day.  God must also delight in seeing us responsibly fulfill the work He's given us.

But how often do we allow ourselves to simply do something that we really enjoy?  Something that makes us happy and is part of who we are?  Without feeling guilty. Without feeling that that we're wasting time. Why do we feel guilty if we take a little time away from responsibilities to do something that fulfills us?  God created each of us just as we are.  He specifically gave us our individual interests, skills, personalities.  It's not God's character to give us a particular interest, and then discipline us or be disappointed in us when we partake in it.

Apart from sinful or indulgent or harmful behaviors of course, I think that when we dive wholeheartedly into something that truly interests us or gives us joy, God delights in watching it.

I love photography.  Sometimes I head out on a nice day or after a fresh snowfall with my camera to try to capture some good shots of God's beautiful creation.  I sometimes feel so compelled that if I don't get some pictures, I'll just burst!  Who gave me that desire? Aside from doing it too often, to the extent of completely ignoring my responsibilities, aren't I fulfilling God's purposed design in me?

What do you love to do that God delights in watching?  Do it today!  Enjoy it!

I'm going to go outside now and try to get a good picture of the big, fat robin hopping around our back yard.

If I lived 100 years ago . . .

Put on your philosophy cap for a minute and consider something I ponder from time to time . . .

If I could switch lives with a mother and housewife from 1910, what would it be like?  Would I think her life was easier?  Simpler?  More difficult?  Would I be healthier?  Would I feel trapped by social limitations as a woman?  Would I feel content?

What if that woman from 1910 could live my life in 2010 for a few months.  What would she think?  Would she feel that I "had it made" because I had so many more opportunities and conveniences than she'd ever had?  Would she love my house with indoor plumbing and electricity, a refrigerator, dish washer, stove, furnace, air conditioner, washing machine, TV with countless channels, and a computer?   Would she feel free, fortunate, and empowered?  Or would she just be overwhelmed and confused?

In 2010, I have unending options and opportunities.  I'm not bound by the limitations that women used to have.  I can choose whether to stay at home with my children, or go to work in any field and pay someone else to care for my children.  I can drive myself almost anywhere I want in a safe car on nice concrete highways. I can easily buy clothes that I didn't have to sew myself. I can get nearly any food I want from the grocery store - even meals that are already prepared and only have to be heated.  I can also stop and pick up dinner at countless restaurants and not have to cook at all!  Shouldn't that make me feel free and fulfilled?

But I'm also flooded with so many choices.  Too many options - so that I get stressed out and confused on a daily basis trying to make multiple decisions.  Except for birthing babies, I can barely tell the difference between the purpose of a man's life versus a woman's life in 2010.  I can run myself ragged by taking advantage of the unending opportunities that are available for me, my husband, and my children - classes, lessons, hobbies, extra-curricular activities, community clubs, church activities, meetings, health clubs, groups to support any lifestyle possible, and on and on.

What about the huge number of ways to stay in contact with people - phone calls (on cell phones even, so you can call anybody at any time, no matter where you are), email, Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, blogs, and maybe even by a hand-written letter sent in the mail (we hardly know what that's like anymore!) or seeing each other in person, face-to-face.  We aren't isolated in a house miles from neighbors, without a phone and without easy transportation.

And then there's the health issue. Life expectancy was much lower in 1910.  Antibiotics and many other life-saving medications and medical procedures were not yet invented.  A large number of foods from other parts of the country or even the world wasn't available, so food variety was often limited.  But in 1910, there weren't the mass amounts of chemicals, pesticides, and other toxic things in our food that currently endanger our health.  Food looked like food; it wasn't fake stuff masquerading as food.  There was less cancer, less diabetes, less heart problems, less chronic health issues; but those who did have health issues had very little help.  In 1910, electromagnetic fields were unheard of.  Today, they're everywhere, inescapable, and probably affecting our health is ways we don't yet know.

If I could go back to 1910, would I want to stay?  If the woman from 1910 could live my life, would she want to stay in 2010?  I kind of think both of us might like to have a combination of both our lives.  We're so fortunate today to have the knowledge, conveniences, and advances that we do.  But we're overwhelmed with the sheer number of choices and opportunities that overload us daily.  Life in 1910 has far fewer options; survival ran our lives. We wouldn't have water if we didn't go get it from a stream or well.  We wouldn't have food if we didn't grow it, raise it, or hunt it ourselves. 

Back then, I would need to rely on God daily for help just to survive.  Today, I need to rely on God daily to weed out all the bad choices, even good choices, to find the BEST choices that He wants for me and my family.  And I guess that's what it all comes down to - God was, and is, and is to come.  But still, "what if?" I can't help thinking.

Lessons From My Kids

Naturally, over the years, I've taught my boys hundreds of things, like any parent would. Basics like how to brush your teeth, how to get dressed, how to speak nicely to people, how to put the toilet seat and lid back down when you're done, etc. And then those other random things like:

You can't put a band-aid on your tongue if you've bitten it

The dog doesn't like it when you squeeze him

We color on paper, not on the wall, or the floor, or your brother


But they've taught me plenty, too. Things that adults tend to overlook, or take for granted - things that we really should take at least a second (or longer) to notice and enjoy. I love how they get excited over the simplest of things. Just as much as God assigns us to raise and train our children, I think He intends for us to learn also from the innocent heart and mind of that child.

One example that often comes to my mind happened about 12 years ago, when our oldest was around 2 or 2 1/2 years old. We were driving across town to a good friend's house, where I was going to drop off Noah while I went to an appointment. We were running late - as people so often are - and with one eye on the clock, I was mentally grumbling about hitting practically every stop light possible along our route.

Then, less than a mile from my friend's house, we got stopped at a train crossing (of course!) I was pretty annoyed; but Noah was SO EXCITED because this really cool, and very long train was going past, right in front of us!

After finally being able to continue, we soon came to another back-up; a small construction site. Again, I was groaning about the time and being delayed even more; but in the back seat, Noah was laughing and exclaiming, "TRACTOR!! TRACTOR!!"

We arrived at my friend's house, with me feeling very stressed out and hurried, and Noah all animated and excited, chattering on and on about the most exciting drive we'd had, that included seeing a TRAIN! and a big TRACTOR!

I remember thinking later about how differently Noah and I viewed that trip across town. Of course, Noah had no concept of the time, or my responsibilities that day. But I've never forgotten how excited he was. It was a reminder to me not to always be in such a hurry that I miss the good things in life around me.

Recently, Noah and Isaac started making a big deal whenever they notice that the time on the digital clock reads 1:11, or 2:22, or 3:33 . . . They've even made up a few little songs, and a synchronized little dance that goes along with it! It cracks me up every time!

And it's a common occurrence around our house to stop everything and go running to the front window to watch some squirrels chase each other around the yard, or look at a cardinal or blue jay on our bird feeder. Even a line of busy ants gets noticed and paid attention to around here.

Try to look at the world with fresh, childish eyes today!



(one of our squirrel friends in the front yard tree)

Everything I Need

Not much to blog about. I'm mostly doing a lot of nothing. Still not feeling well most of the time. Trying to be patient with my body. Other than a couple short trips to the grocery store, a doctor appointment, or sitting in the car while Rashed took me on a drive in the country last Sunday, I've just been at home. Just eating as healthy as possible, taking my supplements, hoping for (though usually not getting) some good sleep, reading a lot, watching too much TV, and keeping the kids alive and somewhat schooled!

So I guess I'm really not doing "nothing", but sometimes it sure feels like it. I've had to adjust my expectations as it appears that this process will take a while. Longer than I thought when I first started. Improving your health naturally takes time. So I'm in it for the long haul, even though it's difficult. After being on medication for so long, my thyroid and adrenal glands, among other functions, were forced to work until they became exhausted. Without medication, they're slowly re-learning their jobs again. I've kind of been "here" before, years ago when first seeing a holistic doctor; so I know that I'll see improvement eventually. I need to keep my focus on that, and on the Word.


My dad sent me this reminder the other day from Psalm 23:1 (New Living translation)

"The Lord is my shepherd;
I have everything I need."


In this crazy, busy, over-achieving world, we think we need and deserve far more than we really do. I'm trying to rest in the knowledge that I really do have everything I need.

And some day, these earthly trials won't even matter any more. Some day we have no more sorrow, no more death, no more pain (Rev. 21:4). That will be a great day!

Who Do You Put Your Faith In?

Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States, made history yesterday.

It was exciting to watch some of the Inauguration Day events on TV with my boys. My brother and sister-in-law were there in DC, which made it even more interesting for the boys. I can't wait to hear some of their stories and see their pictures.

Whether or not you voted for him, or agree with him on different issues or policies, I don't think anyone can deny that he has a charismatic and positive personality that draws people.

But it's my hope and prayer that the strong and optimistic emotions that filled people yesterday will result in strong and optimistic actions in the days and weeks to come.

I hope that people will realize that each person, each family, each household, needs to do their part. Whether a company CEO or a stay-at-home mom, whether a teacher or a nurse or a builder, whether a college student or a retiree, each and every individual needs to live responsibly to make our country stronger and better.

I hope that people don't assume that a new president will automatically make their personal lives better. It's dangerous to put too much hope and faith in just one human person, even if he does hold the highest position in the country.

The only person who walked on this earth that is deserving of our complete faith and trust is Jesus. If we all lived even closely to how Jesus lived, what a country this could be!